reading| blinded by might
listening to| murder by death, flogging molly
working on|dark gentleman, and a starting point for another story


aha! the first day of spring, and the dandilions are going to be on thier way. if only contentment were at hand like the rapidly drifting pollen that fills my sinuses so well. it feels as elusive as the Grail, though i never knew i was questing for it. perhaps this is my problem, i should do more. contibution is something i crave, but lurches beyond my threshold.

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though it is not a new felling, rage consumes me like a glutton eating himself to death. i know no direct cause, nor the means to triumph. somehow this misplaced hate tours from within like an over grown maggot. it has tainted my otherwise genial nature, and leaves me in the gutter, raped, and choking to death on my own vomit. appoliges are in order to friends, family, and those who are trying to help. if only i could see past the clenching of my fist and the callosed desire to let go of my control.

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i would not have you be ingnorant of my intent. i desire not sympathy. i loathe the thought of mindless ramblings to the effect of self pity. the festering boil must needs be lanced. if this journal offends, so be it. this is written for my sake. i am however sorry for any pain caused at your offence. the couch was open, and my masks are getting heavy.

till the fateful star shines on our meeting,
i am chad


"We have forgotten God"-Abraham Lincon